Julianna
by jules6679
Summary: Introducing a new character to the show, Julianna, who is a friend of Reid's. Her main story takes place in NYC, where a number of women, connected to her, are found raped, beaten and murdered. The police don't believe her cries that its a serial killer.
1. Backstory

My name is Julianna Nuzzo and I live just out Las Vegas. My father was in the Air Force stationed in Nellis base in Las Vegas. He grew up in Manhattan with his Italian family. He has one sister who's in a mental hospital for bipolar disorder. His mother died before I was born and his father died when I was small. When he retired from the Air Force, he started working for the Las Vegas police department.

My mother was a housewife, also grew up in Manhattan. She also came from a well off Italian family. She was constantly being abused by my father, physically and emotionally. She was always taking some kind of anti-depressant, pain and sleeping pills. When I was 12 years old, she died of an accidental overdose. However, I believed that she committed suicide because the night before she said to me, "I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you and that I will always love you."

When I was 4 years old, a new family moved in next door. They had a boy my age named Spencer. I learned to read at an early age so I skipped kindergarten, though Spencer skipped several grades. I was fascinated with fantasy novels such as Tolkein and C.S. Lewis. I enjoyed reading novels to escape my troubled home life. When my father would get angry and start beating my mother, I would go hide at Spencer's house. His mother used to read to us. Her mental state was a little off but I enjoyed listening to her. Even when Spencer was away at school, I would go visit her.

When we were 10 years old, Spencer was lured out to the football field, tied naked to the goal post and laughed at by a number of kids from school. I turned the sprinklers on and they ran away. I stayed with Spencer for a while; got home late and my father hit me for the first time. In order to defend myself against monsters like him, I started taking martial arts, Judo and other self-defense classes. My mother secretly signed me up so my father didn't know about it. By the time I graduated high school, I had earned my black belt.

I was intrigued by my mother's, Aunt's and Diana's mental illnesses. I started reading books on Psychology and human behavior. I was determined to stay out of the house and avoid my father's anger beatings. I became an overachiever and obsessed with being the best to please the adults in my life. When I was in high school, I joined the volleyball, softball and swim teams. When I wasn't in school or playing sports, I helped out at a day care. In the summer, I took college-bound classes to fulfill the general education requirements.

My senior year in high school, I went to the prom with a guy from the swim team. After the prom, he drove out to a secluded area and wanted to have sex in the car. I broke his nose and ran away. I came home and my father beat me for dressing like a slut. I packed a packed a bag and stayed with Spencer's mom for a while.

I graduated 2 weeks before my 17th birthday, class valedictorian with a full academic scholarship to Yale. My mother's parents let me live with them in Connecticut while I was in school. They were happy to have me there because I was the only family they had left. I studied Psychology and Human Behavior and obtained my Bachelor's and Master's degree. I continued to swim and take martial arts classes. My father wanted to be closer to me so he transferred to the New York Police Department and moved back to Manhattan. My Grandparents weren't too happy about that but I didn't see him very often. He was killed when the twin towers collapsed on 9/11.

After I graduated from Yale, I got a job working with social services in Manhattan counseling abused women and children. After 9-11, I moved into the city. Everyone wanted to move out so it wasn't hard finding a decent apartment for a good price. My grandparents helped me buy a secure apartment on Central Park West. They past away 5 years later and left me everything they had.

I still wanted to help people so I got my certification and started my own practice, still counseling women and children. I continued to work, on call, through social services and shelters for consultations. I also taught free self-defense classes for women at a local fitness club and volunteered in the day care. I swam every night in the pool. I had a key to the building so I could stay after hours. I didn't really do much except for working and helping people. Spencer is the only man I have ever trusted to get close to me. We usually talk on a regular basis. I went with him when he decided to commit his mother. He was with me when my father and my grandparents died.

Spencer worked on the behavioral analysis unit for the FBI. He would often call and we would talk about the cases. One night he called me but he seemed hesitant to talk. He had been kidnapped and beaten by a serial killer. He told me it was quite traumatic but I shouldn't worry. Not long after this happened, a case brought him to Connecticut, not far outside New York City. I asked to meet him for lunch when he had time after the case was over. He seemed to hesitate to meet with me but eventually gave in. Spencer introduced me to his unit chief Agent Hotchner and he said it was ok for him to take off for a couple hours. I noticed that something was wrong with Spencer. He looked tired and pale. He denied that anything was wrong but I didn't believe him. I was concerned but accepted that he didn't want to talk about it. I told him when we were saying goodbye, "Spencer, I hope you talk to someone about whatever is going on with you."

In 2006, Spencer had a 2 week vacation. We decided to meet in Las Vegas so we could visit his mother. However, his vacation was cut short due to a suspicious package that was sent to him. He had to go back to Virginia. I stayed in Las Vegas to spend some time with his mother.

Spencer called me to let me know that his mother might be in danger. He said, "I am having her brought into protective custody here. She is going to be anxious, especially about the plane ride so I was wondering if you could come here with her." So, I flew to Quantico, with Diana, to the BAU office. Spencer introduced me to his fellow agents, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau (JJ), and Penelope Garcia. Agent Hotchner, whom I had previously met before, also came in.


	2. Battered

While working with abused women in NYC, I was upset that I couldn't do more for some of the women who couldn't get out of abusive relationships. Many of their husbands or boyfriends were cops. I had the resources to do so much more. I started a fund for women and children of domestic violence. I also started to initiate contacts to help these women disappear. I told the women and my contacts that I had a trustworthy friend who worked for the FBI. I gave them Spencer's card in case of emergency or if anything were to happen to me.

In 2008, there seemed to be a string of similar killings. Five of my former clients have been raped, beaten and strangled to death. The police apprehended three of the husbands based on previous violent behavior. My intuition says that they are wrong. These couples have been in counseling and are working their problems out. I've known them well enough to recognize a problem. The husbands wouldn't have just snapped like that.

My hunch was confirmed when I received a phone call late one night. It was the husband of another couple who have been making it work for almost 2 years. They now have a 6-month old daughter. He said that his wife went out for some groceries and hasn't come home yet. He was panicking and wanted to go out and look for her. I told him that I'd come right over and help look for her. We didn't have any luck. I stayed the night to help take care of the baby. The next day, the police found her car abandoned and her body nearby. She had been raped, beaten and strangled just like the other women. The police couldn't arrest her husband because I was his alibi. They had no leads but still didn't believe that these murders are connected.

I spoke with the husbands who were in jail for the previous murders. I don't believe they killed their wives either. I told the police that I believed they had a serial killer and they should call the FBI, but they ignored my arguments. I called Spencer and told him about the murders, my suspicions and being rejected by the local police. He said, "We have to be invited by the local police before we can start investigating but I'll see what I can do." The team came after they discovered two women in New Jersey were found murdered the same way. They knew it was a serial killer and, since the murders crossed over state lines, it was an FBI case. This didn't make the NYPD very happy but they cooperated.

In addition to the reports of being abused, the BAU noticed another connection with these women. They all were members of the same fitness club. Most of the women I counsel, I recommend taking some kind of self-defense classes so they can protect themselves. I invite them to take my classes and they usually end up joining the club as well. Agent Morgan and Spencer came to the Y to ask questions about the women and the classes they take. They asked the attendant for a list of names of women who take my class. The attendant led them to the pool where I was finishing my nightly swim before closing. Spencer threw a ball at me in the pool. Morgan looked at him funny. Spencer said, "When she swims, she gets oblivious to what's going on around her. Who knows how long we would've waited until she realized we were here." The attendant said, "I'm going to start closing up." I said, "Ok, I'll lock up and set the alarm when I leave."

Agent Morgan asked about a list of members for the classes I teach. I said, "I don't keep a list, for their protection. They sign up to attend a class, and then I shred the list. Sorry, I tend to be overly cautious." He asked, "Have you ever noticed anyone suspicious watching these women, say in the gym or equipment room?" I said, "I don't use the stationary machines. It's as if you're going nowhere. The classes I teach are all woman. The only other areas of the club I'm in are the pool and the locker room. I also help out in the daycare on occasion but I never see anyone suspicious there. I do have files, of the women I counsel, back at my office. They might be of use to you." Derek seemed intrigued, "You work for social services, counsel women, teach classes and work in the daycare. Is there anything you don't do?" I said, "I don't really have much of a social life."

I took them back to my office for the files. I said, "The files social services keep on record are basically the minimum requirements. I like to keep more detailed information and usually keep in touch with clients even after social services close the case. All the women killed so far have been closed cases. Here are the files of more closed cases. These are women who I thought could be potential victims because they are either trying to make it work out with their husbands or have left them. If you are going to interview any of these women, I suggest you bring along a woman to help with the interview. It will make them feel safer and more comfortable."

Derek said, "All these victims have another common factor. You have tried to help them. This unsub could be someone you know and you could also be in danger." I pointed to my filing cabinet and said, "There are hundreds of cases I have worked on over the past few years. This job is not something many people do with success for as long as I've been doing it. The probability that I have worked with these women is very high because I've worked on so many cases. Plus, my apartment is probably safer than you're hotel." Spencer asked, "Who do you think this unsub could be?" I said, "Spencer, you know better than to ask me that question. You know I probably couldn't give an unbiased answer because of who my father was." After they left, Derek asked Spencer, "What was her father like?" Spencer updated Derek on my history, "He was a cop who abused her and her mother."

It was my suspicion that the man committing these murders was a cop husband of someone I helped to disappear. I went back to my apartment where I kept those files in a security box hidden in the wall behind the dresser. I use a prepaid cell phone to call my contacts when I need them. I called them to leave a message that I might have a security issue and warned them to be careful. I told them that I was turning my files over to the FBI to help solve this case and if they have any problems to call the number I gave them for Spencer's cell phone.

The next day, I went to see Spencer and his team. Agent Hotchner was the only one there. Everyone else was out interviewing potential victims from the files I had given them the night before. I started looking at the pictures of the victims on the board. I said, "This guy really did some damage on these women." Hotch said, "Some of them had internal bleeding. It looks like they may have been hit with a bat or a stick. The others' injuries are more concentrated on the arms and legs." I said, "They put themselves in a fetal position. Some of these men are so big and overpowering, when they are in a rage, there may be no way out. I tell my clients, if they ever get into a situation like that, where they can't get out, lay in a fetal position and cover you're head. It will hurt a lot more, but it lessens the risk of serious internal damage if he hits you on the arms and leg as opposed to the stomach and back. If he hadn't strangled them, these women might have survived but the others would've had internal bleeding."

Hotch asked, "How old were you when you're father started beating you?" I said, "What else did Spencer tell you about me?" Hotch said, "You're not that hard to profile. You were valedictorian, all-star swim team and graduated from Yale with honors. You tried to avoid further abuse by becoming an overachiever. I know the type." I said, "My father only hit me a couple times. He beat my mother constantly. I would always escape to Spencer's house when he had his rages. After she died, I just preoccupied myself with school, sports and volunteer work. I looked for any reason to keep myself out of the house." Hotch said, "My brother and I used to be on the swim team when we were in high school." I said, "That's my favorite thing to do. No matter how busy I get, I always make time to swim. It's a great way to escape and clear my head."

I said, "Spencer speaks very highly of you. You are like a mentor to him. He really looks up to you." I went to close the door and said, "Agent Hotchner, I brought other files with me which might be helpful in solving this case. But I need to ask you to keep these within your team. There are women out there, who just can't get out of abusive relationships. No matter what they do, they can't get away from their husbands. So, I help them disappear so their husbands can never find them. Some of these men are cops and one of them could be your unsub. I used this prepaid cell phone to initiate contact with other women who are also helping. Because of the sensitivity of this issue, I only have their first name and last initial on my cell. They do have Spencer's name and contact number. They all know I trust him and that he works for the FBI. They have his number programmed into their cell phones so, if you need to contact them, call from his phone and they will call back." Hotch said, "Thank you. I promise. This information will not leave this room."

I took another look at the pictures of the women and started to get upset. I said, "These women were strong and endured so much. They were making their relationships work. Some of them left their husbands and were making it on their own. They didn't deserve this." I pointed to a picture of the woman whose husband called me the night she went missing and said, "This woman and her husband have been working on their relationship for almost two years. They have a 6-month old daughter now. He called me the night she didn't come home and I went over there. I assured him that everything was going to be ok, but I knew. I knew something was wrong and I lied to him." Hotch turned to me, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Julianna, this is not your fault. You didn't hurt these women. You were trying to help them." I said, "My helping those women disappear probably led to these women being killed. What could I have done to prevent this?" Hotch gave me a hug just as Spencer and JJ walked in. Spencer showed his concern and I told him why I was upset.

The rest of the team came back and Hotch closed the door and said, "Julianna brought over new files that I'd like to go over. These files are of women she helped disappear so their husbands could never find them." He said to me, "You know these files better than anyone. In your opinion, who do you think this unsub is?" I said, "I think he is one of the cops. He can access any social services records and gain access into the women's homes without being suspicious. The woman, who was abducted from her car, could have stopped by a cop. She would've pulled over and thought nothing of it. These bruise and strangulation marks could've been done by a club."

Derek seemed irritated and said, "Yeah, but you said yourself that you have a bias because your father was a cop. And why didn't you tell us about these files last night? Didn't you trust us? One of these men might be our unsub and we could've been going through these files this whole time." Hotch put his hand up and said, "Morgan, enough. She kept these files hidden at her apartment and she needed to ensure the safety of these women before releasing them." I said, "Maybe I should go." Spencer said, "Maybe it would be safer for you if you stayed here." I said, "I'm not the target here. These women are. Besides, I canceled my classes and office hours until this case is solved and my apartment building is very secure. If I get any phone calls for a consultation, I'll make sure I call you before I go."

At my apartment, I was getting very restless. I decided to take a walk through the park then go for a swim. I stayed at the club until closing. Meanwhile, as the BAU is going through the new files I gave them, a new victim is discovered. After looking into the victim's history, they discovered that she wasn't a battered woman but an ally and possibly one of my contacts. She received a phone call, last night, to help console a woman in a domestic dispute. A police officer called her to an unoccupied apartment where he left her dead. A witness identified him out of the pictures from my files.

The team heads to his apartment. Rossi said, "His victimology has changed. He went from killing women who represented his wife to women who might have taken his wife away from him." Derek found some pictures of more women the cop has been following and said, "Maybe he figured out what happened to his wife. He has pictures of Julianna in here. Looks like he's been following her too." Spencer became concerned, "If this guy is looking for his wife, then that means Julie could be his next target." Hotch said, "Reid, get her on the phone and warn her. Find out where she is and tell her we're coming to pick her up." I didn't hear my phone ring because I was in the pool. Spencer said, "Hotch, she's not picking up. I have a key to her apartment." Hotch said, "I'll go with you to get her. Everyone else, try to figure out who the rest of these woman are and make sure they are safe. We have to find this guy before he has another victim."

At the club, the desk attendant said she was closing. I said that I would lock up and set the alarm. I swam for a while. I'm not sure how long. All I could think about was those women. I lost track of time. I got out and rinsed off. I noticed several missed calls from Spencer. I was drying my hair when I felt a blow to my head and was knocked unconscious. I awoke to a cop beating me with his club and handcuffed to one of the platforms. He said, "Do you even know who I am?" I said, "Someone whose wife left him because he beat her constantly." He raised his club again and I pulled my legs up so he couldn't hit me in the stomach anymore. He said, "You had no right to take my wife away from me." I recognized his name as the husband of a terrified woman I helped disappear two months ago.

My phone was vibrating. I said, "That is my friend from the FBI who has been trying to call me for over an hour. I was supposed to meet him. He knows my routine. If I don't call him back then he will know something is wrong and come here, looking for me."

Hotch and Spencer was at my apartment, worried because I wasn't there. Spencer's phone rings. I was calling him back with the cop listening in. Spencer puts me on speaker so Hotch can hear. I said, "Reid, sorry I forgot to meet you. I needed to escape and clear my head so I was running on the treadmill and I didn't hear the phone ring." Spencer said, "Are you ok?" I said, "Yeah, I'm just going to bed. Reid, I'll call you tomorrow, ok."

Spencer knew something was wrong because I called him Reid. Hotch asked, "Where does she go to use the treadmill?" Spencer said, "She doesn't. She hates stationary machines." Spencer was frantic, "She's so stubborn. Why couldn't she just stay here?" Hotch said, "Reid, I need you to focus. Try to figure out where she would go." Hotch noticed a picture of me, with the kids from the daycare, at the pool. He asked, "Where does she usually go to swim?" Spencer said, "She swims at the fitness club." Hotch said, "Would they still be open now?" Spencer said, "She has a key and usually stays later." Hotch called Morgan, "We think the unsub has Julianna at the club. Reid and I are headed over there. Meet us over there right away."

At the club, the cop suspected that I secretly gave Spencer a message and beat me. He said, "You told him that you were using the treadmill. Now he is going to come looking for you here." I said, "You idiot! If you had been stalking me, which you probably have, you'd know that I don't use the machines here. I have a gym in my building. He will think that I am safe in my apartment building."

He pulled out a pocket knife and cut my suit. He undid his belt and said, "I think I'm going to enjoy this more than any of the other women." His gun was loosely hanging in the holster on his hip. I was able to bump it out of the holster and push it into the pool. When he realized that his gun was in the pool, he stood up. I kicked him in the knee. He got up and beat me over and over again with his club, until I was too weak to move. He took his belt off, wrapped it around my throat and started to choke me. He tried to open my legs but I kept struggling. He pulled the belt tighter. I held my breath and stopped struggling so he would think I stopped breathing.

He started to undo his pants when Hotch and Spencer came running in through the other side of the pool and yelled his name. When the unsub stood up, I swept him and he fell to the floor. Derek and Rossi came out from the other side. Derek pushed him to the floor and handcuffed him. Spencer came to me, took the belt off and wrapped me in a towel. I was coughing and gasping for air.

I said to Spencer, "You got my message." He said, "Of course we did. I knew something was wrong when you called me Reid." Hotch unlocked the cuffs and asked, "Are you ok?" I was very weak but I managed to say, "I'll be fine. It's just a bunch of bruises." Spencer said to me, "You're so stubborn. Why didn't you stay home like you said you would?" I said, "You caught the unsub, didn't you?" Hotch said, "We found another victim, this afternoon. A witness identified the officer." I asked, "Who?" Spencer told me her name and said, "She wasn't a battered wife. I think she was one of your contacts." I started to get upset.

Hotch appeared concerned when noticed my torn bathing suit and the bruises on my stomach. He asked, "Did he rape you?" I said, "No." Hotch said, "Are you sure? The other victims were raped before he strangled them." I said, "I'm sure. I wouldn't let him. When he loosened his belt, I knocked his gun into the pool and kept kicking him. That's when he tied the belt around my throat."

Spencer and Hotch tried to help me to my feet but I couldn't stand. I was too weak and dizzy. Hotch carried me out to the ambulance. Hotch said to Spencer, "Why don't you go to the hospital with her. And Reid, make sure they do a rape exam." Spencer held my hand in the ambulance as I slipped into unconsciousness.

The rest of the team came to the hospital to wait with Spencer. The nurse came into the waiting area, "She has a concussion and is still unconscious. We are taking her to CT to make sure there was no brain damage or internal bleeding." Hotch asked, "Were there any signs of rape?" The nurse said, "There was bruising, which indicated that he tried but no sign of penetration."

Hotch said to the rest of the team, "Why don't you guys go back to the hotel and get some sleep. I'll wait here with Reid." Derek said, "Reid, I'm sorry I gave your friend a hard time earlier. I hope she's OK."

The nurse came back and said, "There is no sign of internal bleeding, but there was some brain swelling. Does she have any family here?" Hotch pointed to Spencer, "He's her only family." The nurse asked, "Do you know if she has any advanced directives, should she be put on life support." Spencer sat down and put his head in his hands. The nurse said, "This is just a precaution. She _**IS**_ still breathing on her own." Spencer said, "I felt her let go. In the ambulance, I was holding her hand and I felt her slipping away." Hotch said, "Can we go see her?" The nurse led them to my room. Spencer pulled a chair up to the bed while Hotch sat by the wall and fell asleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night to find Spencer, with his head down and holding my hand. I woke him when I moved my hand. Spencer was upset, "I thought I was going to lose you. I don't know what I would've done." I said, "Spencer, come here. Lay by me." I moved over so he could lie in the bed. He held me as he fell asleep. Hotch woke up a few hours later and came over to the bed. I was partially awake. He asked, "How long have you been awake?" I said, "I've been in and out for a few hours. Spencer is out cold." Hotch said, "He's exhausted. He was really worried about you." I said, "You look exhausted too. You should go back to the hotel and get some rest. Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him for you." Hotch put his hand on my head and said, "I'll come back later."

After some rest and getting refreshed, Hotch met up with the rest of the team to head back to Virginia. Derek asked, "How is she doing?" Hotch said, "She awake. Reid is still at the hospital with her. I'm going to let him stay. I want to stop back before we leave." By the time the rest of the team came back to the hospital, I was trying to get up and walk despite the pain. Hotch came in and said, "We're headed back to Quantico. Reid, why don't you stay a few days to make sure she's OK." Hotch said to me, "You know the bureau could use someone with your abilities." I said, "What ability is that, trying to take on a killer twice my size?" Hotch smiled and gave me a hug, "Take care of yourself."

Spencer took me home and stayed with me for a few days until I was able to get back on my feet. He was still worried about me. He said, "I really miss you. I wish you would come and move to Virginia. I could get a two bedroom apartment and we could be roommates." I said, "I miss you too, Spencer, but my job and my clients are here. My home is here." He said, "Your job and your clients almost got you killed." I said, "I know. I'll think about it, OK." I hugged him and we said goodbye.


	3. PTSD

After Spencer left, I started feeling the effects of post-traumatic stress. I tried to go back to the fitness center but felt anxiety every time I went, so I stopped going. I would constantly have nightmares about what happened that night so I couldn't sleep. I would get anxious when I was outside, especially when I saw a cop. I canceled my appointments at my practice and took a leave of absence from work. I stopped going outside unless it was necessary.

Spencer called me more now then he used to. When I would talk to him on the phone, I would tell him that I was ok. I think he sensed something was wrong though. I couldn't tell him. Sometimes, I would just avoid his phone calls.

Hotch asked Spencer, "How is Julianna doing?" Spencer said, "She said she's ok, but I'm not so sure. She doesn't sound like herself. She sounds distant." He paused. "I asked her if she would move down here with me." Hotch said, "I've got to go back to New York City for some training seminars. I'm going to be attending a seminar on dealing with traumatic events. There will be others speaking about overcoming trauma. I was going to ask her if she would like to speak as well." Spencer said, "I'm sure she might if you asked her."

A month after being attacked, Hotch leaves me a message, "I'm going to be in the city attending a seminar on traumatic events and I was wondering if you would be interested in speaking about your incident. Please, give me a call when you get this message." He told me where and when it was but I never called him back.

I went to the office for the seminar. Hotch was speaking about the warning signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. He noticed that I walked in. I sat down on the end in the back row. I didn't dress professional because I wasn't ready to speak. Hotch said, "Now I will introduce the first of several people who will be speaking about overcoming traumatic events and PTSD." Hotch came to the back and sat next to me. He asked, "Are you going to speak?" I said, "No, I'm not up to it yet." Hotch noticed that I looked thin and pale. He asked, "Are you feeling ok?" I said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

I got upset listening to one woman talking about being held hostage by a crazed gunman. I started to tremble and cry. Hotch put his hand on mine and said, "Let's go get some air." We got outside and I said, "I'm fine. It's just very emotional hearing them talk about the things they have been through." Hotch said, "Especially when you've been through it yourself. Let's go get some lunch. I know a great place."

Hotch took me to the restaurant where his brother, Sean, was a chef. We sat next to the window. I ordered a chicken meal and cut it up into little pieces but never took a bite. Hotch was chatting with his brother. I think he was talking about me being on the all-star swim team. I was inside my head and not really paying attention. I just smiled as if I was following along. Three cop cars went by with their sirens blaring. A baby started crying at a table nearby. Every sound seemed to be amplified. I started to become anxious. Hotch noticed that something was wrong. The busboy dropped a tray of dishes nearby. I jumped out of my seat and asked Sean, "Where is the ladies' room?" Sean pointed to the door near the entrance. Sean asked Hotch, "Is she ok?" Hotch said, "She was attacked a month ago. I think she's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder."

In the bathroom, I splashed some cold water on my face. I was shaking and panting. I think I am having a panic attack. I had to get out. I stepped outside but the noise was too overwhelming. A cop put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "Are you ok?" I screamed, "Leave me alone!" I started running towards the park. Hotch heard me scream and ran out. He was too late. By the time he got out there, I was already gone. He said to Sean, "I'm sorry to cut this visit short, but I have to go." Sean said, "I understand. Lunch is on me. Go find your friend."

I ran as fast as I could through Central Park. I got to my apartment and took a shower. For the rest of the day, I just sat on my window bench and watched the people walking in the streets and in the park.

My phone kept ringing but I ignored it. It was Hotch trying to call me. Hotch had more seminars he had to attend this afternoon. He left me a message, "Julianna, I'm sorry we didn't get to talk. I have more training this afternoon but I'll stop by to see you later, today." I just walked back and forth through my apartment. I nibbled on some crackers as I sat and watched the people.

Hotch came to my apartment building around suppertime but the doorman wouldn't let him up unless I answered the phone and gave him permission. He said, "Ever since she was attacked by that cop, she hasn't been the same. She has been more cautious, doesn't talk much and isolates herself. I don't think she would be too thrilled if I allowed a cop to go up without her permission." Hotch said, "I'm not a cop. I am an FBI agent who helped her solve that case and I am a friend. She has PTSD and needs help." My neighbor overheard the conversation. She said, "That girl has been having nightmares every night. She would wake up screaming. Sometime I would knock on her door but she never answered. I worry about her. I'll take you up to her apartment. Maybe you can get through to her."

I was sitting on my window bench when I heard a knock at my door. It was Hotch and he said, "Julianna, I know you're suffering from PTSD and I want to help if you let me. You can't isolate yourself forever. I know many people who have gone through traumatic events and lived to tell about it. You know what Reid went through a couple years ago. I'm sure he's talk to you about it. He's really worried about you and wants to help."

I opened the door and asked Hotch, "You didn't tell Spencer about any of this, did you?" Hotch came in and said, "I didn't need to. He knows something is wrong." I went back to the window bench and looked out the window. I said, "I though I was fine at first, until I went back to the fitness center and started getting anxious. I trembled and couldn't breathe. I just could not get those images out of my head. I had to get out of there as soon as possible. I walked around the park for a while before heading back home. At night, I started having nightmares and I would wake up screaming. I started seeing things during the day as I walked down the street. I became so paranoid of every man I saw, especially those in uniform." I paused and started crying. "I think I would've been better off if I would have died that night instead of living like this.

Hotch put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "How come you never talked to Reid about any of this, he would understand. I said, "Spencer has so much instability in his life, between dealing with his mom and his job. We could always count on each other and talk to each other. No matter what happened, I have always been able to manage, be the stable one. I've always known what to do. I don't how to talk to him about this because I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing control and I don't want to burden him with something I should be able to take care of myself. I don't want him to worry about me."

Hotch said, "He's already worried about you. He knows something is wrong and now he's afraid that you don't trust him enough to let him in." Knowing this really upset me. Hotch sat down next to me and asked, "Have you had anything to eat today? I know you didn't eat at the restaurant." I said, "Agent Hotchner, I'm sorry for running out on you. I had some toast, this morning, and some crackers, but I don't really want to go out anywhere." Hotch said, "It's alright and please, you can call me Aaron. If I go out and get us some dinner, will you let me back in?" I gave him my spare keys and he came back with dinner.

We talked some more about some of the cases we've had, our families and the activities we participated in high school and college like swimming. I said, "It's getting pretty late and you probably have to get up early. You should be heading out soon." Aaron said, "Why don't you try to sleep? I'll sleep on the couch." I said, "I don't really sleep. You're probably better off back at the hotel." He said, "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. You just try to get some rest. I'll be right here if you need me."

I woke up to a nightmare, in the middle of the night, screaming and crying. Aaron came in and held me in bed until I calmed down and eventually drifted off to sleep again. I woke up in the morning, still in Aaron's arms. A car backfired outside and it startled me. Aaron squeezed me tighter and said, "Its ok, it was just a car." I said, "I know. What time did I wake you?" He said, "Don't worry about it." I said, "I told you, you would sleep better at the hotel." He said, "I'll be ok. You slept most of the night. Reid said he asked if you would move to Virginia with him." I said, "I know." Aaron said, "Maybe it would be a good idea to stay with him, even if it's just temporary. I still have some training left today, but I can take you to Virginia tomorrow." I said, "I have my car here. I can drive down there. I would just have to give my key back to the center and take care of some paperwork at the office." Aaron said, "I'll still drive back with you. It can be a long drive. It's good to have some company."

Aaron took me to the center to turn in my keys then he dropped me off at my office before he went to training. I had to bring some books back to the library and then I went home to pack. I told the building manager that I would be leaving for a while and gave him the address to forward my mail.

Spencer called me this afternoon while I was packing my things. He said, "Hotch called me to let me what was going on. He said he convinced you to come live with me, here in Virginia, for a while." He paused. "He said you were a little suicidal." I said, "That's not true. I never said that. Hotch misinterpreted me." Spencer said, "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow when you get here."

I finished packing my stuff and put it by the door when Aaron came back that night. I said, "I told everyone here that I'll be gone for a while. How long you do you think it will take, you know, to get over this?" Aaron said, "Everybody's different. We should get some sleep."

I sat down on the bed, looking upset. Aaron asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "Why did you tell Spencer that I was suicidal?" Aaron sat down and said, "You said you wished you would have died." I said, "But that doesn't mean that I would try to kill myself. I would never do that. I know how many people I would hurt, all the women I have helped. I'd never do that to them, to Spencer, to you, after all you've done for me." Aaron put his hands on my shoulders and said, "What about not doing it for?" I have a hard time trusting people enough to get close to me, especially men. This is probably why I've never been in an intimate relationship. When I looked into Aaron's eyes, I saw his concern, his compassion and I felt at ease. I kissed him, he kissed back and we made love.

I woke up, the next morning, before the sun rose. Aaron was still asleep. I sat on the window bench and watched the sun rise over the park. Aaron woke and came over to me. I said, "I'm going to miss watching the sun rise over the park. It's so beautiful, like a painting. I started to cry. Aaron stood behind me, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Are you ok?" I said, "What kind of person am I? Spencer is going out of his way for me and I sleep with his boss, his mentor." Aaron said, "I'm sorry." I said, "Aaron, it's not your fault. I initiated it. I just don't want to tell him about this." Aaron kissed my head and said, "It's alright. I understand."

Aaron drove me to Spencer's apartment in my car. When we arrived at his building, Spencer came out and met us at the car. He gave me a hug and helped bring my stuff up. Aaron said to Spencer, "My car is still at the office. Do you think you could drive me over there?" Spencer drove Aaron back to Quantico. Aaron talked to him about what kind of condition I was in and what he can do to help. When Spencer came back, we talked. I told him the same thing I told Aaron, about the nightmares and the anxiety. I said, "I never wanted you to worry about me. I'm sorry that I never told you." He gave me a hug and said, "I'm just glad you're here now." Spencer stayed with me at night until I felt safe enough that my violent nightmares diminished.

Aaron set me up with someone in the FBI, who specializes in PTSD. She gave me anxiety and sleep medication. I was very reluctant to take them but Aaron convinced me to try. I gradually worked my way into society again. I started out going to the parks and taking walks down the street, in not so crowded areas. Spencer or Aaron would go with me so I wouldn't feel so anxious. Sometimes Aaron would take his son, Jack, and we would go to the park. This made me really miss working with the kids at the day care. I missed swimming too, so, about a month after moving to Virginia, I joined a fitness club. I was anxious at first but, as I got more comfortable and talked to more people, the anxiety started to diminish.


	4. 1st assignment

Two months after Aaron brought me to Virginia; he called and asked if I was up to helping him on a consultation with a possible battered woman. He said, "The woman killed her husband and the defense is saying it was self-defense, claiming she was a battered wife. We've been asked to interview her to determine whether or not she was battered." I said, "You know, if I have to give a testimony, the prosecutor is going to dig up my history and try to discredit me." Aaron said, "It's the prosecutor asking for the interview and you won't have to testify." I agreed to help.

Aaron called to have an agent pick me up and bring me to the airport. I met with Aaron and Agent Rossi. They had already interviewed the children and been to their house. They showed me pictures of the house and the crime scene and said, "The son told us that she could never keep the house clean." I looked at the pictures and said, "The house looks spotless. So who kept it clean?"

I sat back and let Aaron and Agent Rossi ask the questions while I observed and took notes on her behavior. For her, living with him was like walking on eggshells. He was a perfectionist. She was always afraid that she would do something to anger him. My eyes started to tear. She reminded me of how I felt when I lived with my father. I was always trying to avoid angering him by being a perfectionist and trying to be the best. I started to get upset and had to excuse myself.

Aaron and Rossi were speaking with the prosecutor who said, "Why do men always believe the woman is a victim?" Aaron said, "Well, we did bring along a woman who has had experience with battered women. She should be right out if you would like to hear her perspective." Aaron came to get me and looked concerned. He asked, "Are you ok?" I smiled and said, "Yeah, I'll be fine." The prosecutor asked my opinion. I said, "There doesn't appear to be signs of physical abuse, but the isolation and the emotional torment she experienced can be far worse. It seems like her husband was a perfectionist and nothing she did was ever good enough. The children seem to share the same opinion as their father did. She was never good enough for any of them. For years, she has put a smile on her face and pretended everything was fine, repressing how much she was hurting. Then one day, she couldn't bottle it up anymore and snapped." Hotch told the prosecutor that there was one question left to ask her. The prosecutor sat in as he asked her why she cleaned up after she shot him.

Aaron drove me back to the apartment and walked me to the door. I said to him, "You didn't really need my help. Why did you ask me to come along?" Aaron said, "I wanted you to see if you were ready to get back out there and help people again. You were good at what you did. I'd hate to see you give that up." I said, "Thanks, but I don't think I'm ready to get back out there just yet." I gave him a hug and said goodnight.

Rossi appeared concerned that there was something more going on. He said to Aaron, "You know, when I was doing my book tour, there was young assistant who was always telling me how much she admired me. I think she had a crush. She must have been 20 years younger than I was. It was nice to get attention from someone so young and attractive." Aaron said, "Dave, what are you trying to say?" Rossi said, "She's young and, after what happened in New York, she's very vulnerable right now. Reid loves her. You wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship."

I did start coming out of my shell. I started teaching the classes again at the fitness center. Everyone in the BAU was very friendly and accepting. I became good friends with them, especially the girls. We would always go out when they had time. I also clicked with Derek because we both had black belts and taught classes. I told Spencer that I wanted to move down here permanently. I was going to sell my NYC apartment. We started to look for an apartment with two bedrooms. I went back to New York to gather the rest of my stuff and sell my apartment.

I was only in New York for a week when my apartment sold. Spencer called me, "I want you to be careful while you're there and stay off the streets. There has been a series of random shootings and we are coming up to investigate." I said, "I sold the apartment. I just have to finish the paperwork for the sale, and then I can head home." Spencer said, "I'll drive back with you when we finish with this case. Until then, I want you to stay at our hotel, where I know you'll be safe. I'll leave a key at the desk." After the terrorism scare was over, Spencer drove back with me in the truck.

The BAU had a case which brought the team to Las Vegas. Derek called me, "I just wanted to let you know that we were staying to help Reid work on a case which involved a kid who had been molested and murdered when Reid was 4 years old. He has been having nightmares about it since we got here. Julie, he is afraid his father could be involved. It might help if you came to Vegas to be there for him."

I arrived right before they were going to see Spencer's dad. Spencer looked irritated and said, "What are you doing here?" I said, "Derek called me and was concerned. He thought I could help." Spencer was agitated, "You shouldn't have come. We're just working on a case." He walked away. Derek said to me, "Reid thinks his own father might have molested and killed that boy." I said, "I can understand why he doesn't want to talk about it. I'll be here if he needs me."

Derek called me and said, "We're bringing in Reid's father for questioning. Maybe you should be there?" I came down to the police station but Spencer still wouldn't talk to me. Later on, they brought in Reilly Jenkins's father for killing his son's murderer. I watched while Spencer tried to find answers about his memories. Spencer's father came back to the station, this time with his mother. Spencer finally got his answer. He came to me and said, "I'm so sorry for the way I acted towards you." I said, "It was understandable. I knew what you were thinking. You were afraid that something may have happened to you when you were a kid. Something like that can be difficult to talk about." I gave him a hug. We said goodbye to his parents and went home.


	5. Reid's goodbye

One day, Spencer called me while he was working on a case. He sounded frantic, as if he was saying goodbye. He said, "Julie, whatever you do, don't go outside. Promise me that you will stay home." I said, "I promise. What's wrong?" Spencer said, "I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me. I appreciate that you've been my friend and have put up with me for all these years. I have always loved you." I said, "Spencer, what's going on? Are you in trouble? Why are you saying these things?" Spencer said, "I'm sorry, I have to go."

I was so upset. I called Aaron and said, "Spencer just called me and it sounded like he was saying goodbye. He told me to stay inside. What's going on? Is he in trouble?" Aaron said, "I can't talk right now." I was hysterical, "Aaron, please don't leave me in the dark on this one. I need to know if something happened to Spencer." Aaron said, "I promise, as soon as I know something, I will get back to you. Please, just don't go outside. Wait for me to call you back." I was so restless. I cleaned the apartment.

I have been crying, cleaning and pacing the apartment when I heard a knock on my door late. It was Aaron, coming over to tell me what happened. He said, "He's alright. He became infected with a deadly virus but he's ok now. He's in the hospital and should be back home in a day or two." I asked, "What happened?" Aaron said, "We were investigating a deadly virus someone released into the air. That's why he told you not to go out. But we've caught the unsub and the virus has been contained so there's nothing to worry about." We were sitting on the couch; he gave me a long hug and asked, "Are you going to be alright?" I nodded but Aaron stayed with me anyway. He put his hand on my face, kissed me and we made love. Now I was confused. I have these mixed feelings for Aaron but my concern for Spencer has made me question my relationship with him. My racing thoughts kept me awake so I just laid there as Aaron slept.

Spencer woke the next morning and said to Derek, "You need to call Julianna. She's going to be worried." My phone rang. I went into the kitchen so I would disturb Aaron. It was Derek, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that Reid is in the hospital but he's ok. He wanted me to call you." I said, "I know, Hotch told me what happened." Derek said, "He should be home by tonight." I asked, "Did he tell you what he did? He called me yesterday to say goodbye, as if he was dying. Do me a favor. Yell at him for scaring me like that and making me worry." Derek laughed and said, "Ok."

Aaron came into the kitchen and put his arms around me. He said, "I told you he was going to be ok. Now you can relax." I said, "I know. Why does it seem like whenever I have a crisis, you end up in my bed?" Aaron joked, "Actually, we ended up on the couch." I looked at him and said, "Aaron, I'm serious." He said, "I don't know. I care about you. I guess I feel inclined to protect you. I know you have trouble trusting people and I don't like to see you hurting." I said, "I don't know what to do here. Everything is so complicated. I'm having these mixed feelings. I think I need to talk to Spencer." Aaron gave me a hug and said, "Of course, do whatever you need to do. I'll be here if you need me."

Spencer came home that evening. I had fallen asleep, reading, from not having slept much the night before. He came in and sat on my bed, which woke me up. I gave him a hug and said, "Please don't ever call me with a message like that again." He said, "I'll try." We laid in bed and held each other. I looked at him and said, "Spencer, have you ever thought about us being more than friends?" He said, "I've always thought we were more than friends." I said with a laugh, "You know what I mean." He brushed the hair off my face and we kissed. It wasn't for very long, though, because it felt awkward and we both started laughing. I said, "Is it just me or does it feel like we're doing something illegal?" Spencer said, "It almost feels incestuous." I laughed, "We are so screwed up. You have a hard time meeting women that get you and I don't trust men long enough to get close to, but we've always been there for each other. Why can't we make that work?" Spencer said, "I guess we're just too close, like brother and sister." He paused, "What about Hotch? You seem to trust him, don't you?" I said, "I trusted him because you trust him." I thought he might have suspected that there was something more going on, but I wasn't ready to tell him because I wasn't really sure what was going on. I smiled at him, "I guess we can always be each other's wingman."


	6. Relationship with Hotch

It's been over a year since I was attacked. Teaching classes and working at the daycare has been enough for me. Aaron said that I was wasting my skills and that I could do so much more. He convinced me to apply to the academy. He would even write me a letter of recommendation. I went over to his apartment to go over some last minute details before I started at the academy. He had Jack over for the day while Haley was having a girls' day out with her sister. I sat on the floor where Jack was playing and I asked him if I could play. Aaron said, "Have you ever thought about having kids?" I said, "It crosses my mind once in a while." Aaron said, "With Reid?" I joked, "I don't think I'd be able to handle Spencer's offspring." I sat on the couch with Aaron. I'm sure he has been wondering whether I talked to Spencer about my feelings. I said, "We've talked about our relationship, whether we wanted something more. After he got sick with that virus, we approached the idea. We kissed but we both started laughing. Spencer said it felt almost incestuous, like we were more like brother and sister and I felt the same way.

Aaron asked, "Have you ever told him what happened between us?" I shook my head no. Aaron said, "Do you regret it." I said, "I did, at first. I guess I saw it as a moment of weakness. I never told Spencer because I didn't want it to affect his relationship with you, or how he views you. But it's ok. I'm ok with it. I have no regrets. I think he might suspect there is something going on. I'm just not ready to tell him because I'm not even sure what's going on."

Jack came up to the couch and asked if I would read him a story. Aaron fell asleep on the couch while I was reading. Jack wanted me to read him another story. I said, "Why don't we go into the bedroom and read so your daddy can take a nap." I read him another book and Jack fell asleep too. I sat on the arm of the couch and woke Aaron up. I said, "Jack is taking a nap in his bed. I'm going to leave so you boys can sleep. Aaron said, "He likes you." I said, "Yeah, well, he's a good kid." Aaron said, "You're going to make a great mother someday." We kissed and he pulled me down to the couch.

After a few moments, I stopped and said, "What are we doing, Aaron?" He said, "I don't know. You're not going through a crisis this time. Maybe I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis." I laughed, "That's for men who date women old enough to be their kids. Last time I checked, Jack wasn't 29." Aaron said with a smirk, "You're the shrink, you tell me." I said, "You want me to profile you? Ok, you married your high school sweetheart so you were with the same woman for a huge part of your life. Though, she never understood that what you do, catching the bad guys, is part of who you are. You tried to be there for her as much as you could but it was never good enough. You always felt guilty for not being there more. You have a hard time trusting woman to begin with so when she left you, you became more closed off. Everyone says that you have no sense of humor and you hardly smile but I've seen it. It's as if you forget all those negative things and just live in the moment. So, you're longing to be with someone who understands all that." I paused, "Now it's your turn."

Aaron asked, "You want me to profile you? Two words: Oedipus complex." He said with a smile. I laughed, "That's so wrong." He said, "Really, why?" I said, "First of all, Oedipus was a man who killed his father to marry his mother. With girls, it's called the Electra complex. And 2nd, Spencer and I couldn't make this work because we felt too much like family to each other so do you really want to put something like that in my head. Besides, my father was an abusive, dominating control freak. You are nothing like him." Aaron looked at me and said, "You've spent your entire life protecting yourself, trying to prove how independent you are and that you can take care of yourself. You long for someone you can trust. Someone else, you know and trust, who will protect you. I think when you were attacked, you allowed yourself to become vulnerable and I was just there." I said, "Aaron, you were more than that to me. Did my being attacked force myself to get close to someone I might not have gotten close to? Maybe. Do I regret it? I already said I didn't. Maybe you're the one with the complex. Are you afraid my feeling for you will eventually go away if I don't think I need you anymore?"

Aaron's phone rings and its JJ letting him know that they are needed in Canada right away. He said, "I have Jack. I need to get a hold of Haley. I'll be there as soon as I can." He looked at me, "Do you have any plans for tonight?" I said, "No." He asked, "Would you mind watching Jack until Haley can pick him up." I said, "Of course, just make sure you wake him to let him know you are leaving. I don't want him to be scared when he wakes up." Aaron called Haley to let her know what was going on. He told Jack he had to go work on a case. He gave me the spare keys and said, "The doorknob should already be locked. You would just have to lock the deadbolt." He gave me a hug. "Thanks, I really appreciate this. I promise, we'll talk more when I get back."

Haley came in just as Jack was finishing his supper. Jack and Aaron have mentioned me before so she knows who I am. She asked, "What have you been doing since you moved here from New York?" I said, "I've just been working at the fitness club, teaching classes and helping in the daycare. Aaron convinced me to apply to the academy. I start in a few weeks." Haley asked, "Are you going to join the BAU?" I said, "Probably not. I'm too close to one of Aaron's team members, Spencer Reid. We're like family. We've been friends since we were four." Haley and Jack left. I cleaned up and went home.

A couple days later, Aaron called me, "We're headed back home, tonight. It was a really tough case. How did it go with Jack? I said, "Jack was great. Haley somewhat grilled me on my credentials and joining the FBI." Aaron said, "Yeah, sorry about that. She was probably just mad at me." I said, "Don't worry about it." He said, "We're taking off tomorrow if you'd like to come over and finish what we talked about." I said, "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow."

I headed over to Aaron's place around 10am. I ran into Emily going in. I said, "I start at the academy in the fall and Hotch is just going over some things I need to know." She said, "We got called in for a case, early this morning and Hotch didn't show up." I said, "He probably left his phone on vibrate and didn't hear it. You guys got back pretty late. Maybe he is still asleep." We knocked on the door but no answer. Emily tried his cell again and we heard it ringing inside. I said, "I was watching Jack after you guys left. I have his spare keys." The door was locked but the deadbolt wasn't.

I opened the door but Aaron was no where to be found. The carpet was stained with blood; there was glass on the floor and a bullet hole in the wall. I started to get upset. Emily said, "Julianna, I need you to focus. Start calling hospitals to find out if he got himself admitted." Emily called Penelope and Spencer. I called a few hospitals with no luck. Finally, I got one that said there was a John Doe brought in by an FBI agent. He had multiple stab wounds but was alive and in critical condition. Emily said, "Can you go down there and call me back with what you find out?"

I went to the hospital and it was Aaron. The nurse said, "An agent Morgan brought him in overnight, then disappeared." I asked her what he looked like. She said, "Tall, white, maybe late 40s." I called Emily and told her, "It's Hotch who was stabbed. He's still unconscious so I don't know what happened. The nurse said he was brought in by an Agent Morgan. Could there be another Agent Morgan? She said this guy was white and in his late 40s."

Emily knew it was Foyet. She finished at the apartment and came down to the hospital to look at the surveillance video. Emily said, "Foyet was probably waiting for him when he came home." I asked, "How would he have gotten in?" She shook her head, "I don't know, there was no sign of forced entry." I stepped out of the room, upset because I felt like this was my fault.

JJ, Morgan and Rossi walked in. JJ said to me, "Spencer got shot in the leg but I'm sure he's going to be fine. Are you ok?" I said, "When you guys left for Canada, Aaron asked me to watch Jack until Haley could pick him up. He gave me the spare keys to lock up but, JJ, I was the last one to leave his apartment. What if I forgot to lock the door or I didn't lock it correctly? What if it's my fault Foyet got in?

Aaron started to wake up but I didn't go in. I felt guilty and too ashamed to face him. I started pacing the hallway. Some of the team left to get Haley and Jack. Emily stayed. I asked her, "Does he know how Foyet got in." She said, "I don't think so. Why don't you go in and talk to him." Emily went to talk a walk.

Aaron could tell that I was upset. He said, "Its ok, I'll be fine." I said, "Aaron, I was the last one to leave your apartment. What if I forgot to lock the door? It could be my fault that you're in here." Aaron said, "Look at me. You are compulsive when it comes to locking the doors. I've seen you lock up your apartment and you check two or three times to make sure it locked correctly. Did you have to run out of the apartment in a hurry or did something distract you." I thought about it then said, "No." Aaron said, "Then this is not your fault. Stop blaming yourself." I said, "I'll let you get some rest." Emily was standing at the door. I said, "I'm going to see how Spencer is doing." That night I went back to Aaron's apartment to clean up the blood stain.


	7. Foyet's attack

A couple weeks later, I stopped by Aaron's apartment to see how he was doing. He was very restless, fidgeting around with some files and moving boxes. I said, "Shouldn't you be taking it easy for a little while?" He said, "I don't exactly have that luxury." I said, "You know, after I was attacked, I couldn't even go back to the fitness center without feeling anxiety. Do you think staying in this apartment is a good idea?" He said, "I can't really think about that stuff right now. I need to get back to work and figure out how I'm going to find Foyet, which is going to be nearly impossible if he stops killing. He's gotten what he wanted. He's taken away my family and I can't do a thing about it if I want to keep them safe. He wanted to see me suffer and he's succeeded." He started rambling and getting worked up. He threw a couple glasses against the wall. This shocked me and brought back memories of my father. I started trembling. Aaron stood against the wall and put his head in his hands. I tried to ignore my anxiety, went over to him and gave him a hug. He said, "You're shaking. I'm sorry; I scared you when I got angry." I said, "It's ok, you didn't hurt me. Aaron, I'm here for you whenever you need me. Just let me know."

I stayed for a while. While I was leaving his building, an old man with a cane lost his balance and ran into me. (What I didn't know was that it was Foyet in disguise and he slipped my cell phone off my belt.) I held the doors open for him. He asked, "Do you live in the building." I said, "No, I was just visiting a friend." He asked, "That FBI agent who was hurt here?" I nodded. He asked, "Do you work for the FBI too?" I said, "No, I'm a counselor. I used to work for social services in New York." Aaron was watching from his window to make sure I left ok.

When I got home, Derek was there with Spencer. He had brought him some dinner since he was confined to crutches. Spencer asked, "How's Hotch doing?" I said, "Doing what he can to keep himself occupied." I still felt uneasy over Aaron throwing the glasses and I think Derek and Spencer noticed it. I noticed my cell phone wasn't on my belt. I said, "I must have left my cell phone in the car. I'll be right back."

Foyet called Aaron from my cell phone. Aaron answered, "I'll be ok, don't worry about me." There was a pause. Aaron said, "Hello? Julie? Are you there?" Foyet answered, "She's a little young for you, Aaron." Aaron said, "Foyet, don't do this. She's nobody." Foyet said, "It's too late for her. It's a shame. I bet Jack really liked her." He played a tape recording that sounded like a woman being stabbed then hung up and threw the phone into the woods.

Aaron called Spencer and asked, "Was Julianna driving her own car tonight or did she have yours?" Spencer said, "What? Why?" Aaron said, "Because Foyet just called me from her cell phone. He must have gotten in her car when she was here." Spencer said, "Wait, she came home. She thought she dropped her cell phone so she went out to the car to look for it." Derek asked, "What's going on." Spencer said, "Foyet just called Hotch from Julianna's cell phone." Derek grabbed his gun and went out to look for me. Aaron said, "Reid, what's going on?" Spencer said, "Morgan just went out to look for her." Aaron said, "Keep me on the line until he gets back."

I'm looking for my phone when I hear footsteps. I look up and jump. It was Derek, holding up his gun. I said, "You scared me. What are you doing?" Derek asked, "Are you ok." I said, "Yeah, I must have left my phone at Hotch's." Derek said, "No, you didn't. Come on, let's get back inside." We get inside and Spencer said, "They're back, Hotch. She's ok." I said, "What's going on?" Spencer hands the phone to me. It was Aaron. He asked, "When you were leaving my apartment, did you notice anyone following you?" I said, "I don't think so. The only person I saw was an old man who I helped in the door. Why? What happened?" Aaron said, "The old man was Foyet. He called me from your cell phone. Can you put Morgan on the phone?"

Aaron said to Morgan, "We don't know if she was followed so she could still be in danger. Can you bring her back to the office? She'll be safer there. She might be stubborn and won't want to go." I said, "You know, I have very good hearing and he's right. I don't want to go. It's not necessary. He didn't follow me here." Derek said to Aaron, "Don't worry, Hotch. I'll make sure she gets down there." Spencer and Derek were arguing with me but they eventually convinced me to go down there for the night.

We get to the BAU and waited for Aaron. Derek showed me a picture of Foyet. I said, "Yeah, that looks like him. He had on these big round glasses and was walking with a cane. He lost his balance so I helped him through the doors." Aaron walked in about an hour after we did. I had put my head down on Spencer's desk and fell asleep. Derek said to Aaron, "Hotch, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be off for a couple weeks." Aaron said, "It's my fault she's here. I just want to make sure she is safe."

Derek sees me sleeping and says, "Hey Reid, looks like your girl could use some coffee." Spencer said, "She doesn't drink coffee." Aaron came over to the desk, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Julie, there's a couch in my office. You can go in there and sleep until we can get you into protective custody." I said, "Aaron, do you really think that's necessary? If he was going to hurt me, don't you think he could have done it already? You know he's just doing it to torment you. Tell him Derek."

Derek said, "Hotch, she's right. He had an opportunity to kill her and he didn't. He just wanted to let you know that he's watching you." I said, "Aaron, I start at the academy next week and besides, he thinks I live in New York. He didn't follow me and I don't think he'll come looking for me. I don't think he even knows who I am." Aaron said, "I would just feel more comfortable if you were somewhere safe until you start at the academy. Maybe I can arrange for you to move in early." I said, "Aaron, I still have work at the club. I don't want to put anyone out. You are going to cause a stir. It's not necessary." Derek said jokingly, "Girl, you are stubborn." Spencer said, "You have no idea." I looked at Spencer and said, "Hey! Who's going to be your maid while you are on those crutches? I'll be extra cautious and I won't stay out too late. Aaron, I'll be ok."

Aaron said, "I've asked Garcia to see if she can locate the phone. If it's still on then we could be able to find it and send a team out there in the morning. For tonight, I'd like you to stay here. We'll figure the rest out in the morning." I said, "Fine." I went into Hotch's office to sleep.

Aaron said to Derek and Spencer, "You guys don't have to stay. You can go home." Derek said, "Hotch, you're supposed to be on leave. Why don't you take Reid home, you go home and get some rest. I'll take care of her." Aaron nodded, "Call me as soon as you find anything."

Derek convinced me to move into the dorms early. Aaron was able to get me a single room that's designated for instructors. I had to tell the manager at the club that I was leaving earlier than expected. For safety, Derek came with me and we went back to my apartment to pack my things. They found my phone in the woods but to be safe, I changed my number.


	8. Hotch's breakdown

Saturdays we had off if we weren't on probation or failing. I sometimes left Friday after classes to go back to my apartment and study. I told Spencer, "Don't tell Hotch or Derek that I come home. I just need a break from the dorms." Spencer is usually home on the weekends so I feel safer having him around.

One Friday, the team is called to Portland for a case involving the 4 year old son of a prominent agent who was vacationing out there. This case was too close to home for Hotch and it made him emotional. Derek said to him, "Hotch, why don't you sit this one out? Take the weekend off." It's been more than four months since Haley and Jack have been put into protective custody. The emotional strain of not finding Foyet is getting to him. He decided to take Derek's advice and sit this one out.

Spencer stops Aaron, "Hey Hotch, Julie usually comes back to the apartment for the weekend. In case you need someone to talk to." Hotch said, "I thought we'd agree she would stay on campus where she is safe." Spencer said, "Yeah, she didn't really want me to tell you about that." Aaron said, "Thanks, Reid."

Aaron came by my apartment. I had just stepped out to get something to eat so I left the light on. Aaron sat by the door and waited. When I came home, Aaron was sitting on the floor with his head down. I knelt down and put my hand on his arm, "Aaron, what are you doing here? Are you ok?" Aaron said, "I thought you agreed you would stay on campus." I said, "I am staying on campus. Come on, let's go inside."

Aaron told me about the case that came up, missing Jack and feeling like it's hopeless that they'll ever catch Foyet. I went over, gave him a hug and just held him. He said, "That day you were at my apartment and we were on the couch. You were right, what you said about me being afraid." He looked at me and put his hands around my face, "I don't want to lose you too." I said, "You won't." We started kissing, made our way to the bedroom and made love.

The next morning, the phone rang around 6am. It was Spencer. He asked, "Did I wake you?" I said, "No, its fine. It's almost 6am here. Did you stay up all night?" Spencer said, "We caught a break in the case. We're going to sleep for a few hours then head home." He paused, "Hotch didn't go with us this time." I said, "I know, he stopped by. You told him that I wasn't staying on campus on the weekends." Spencer said, "Sorry about that. He sounded like he needed someone to talk to and you needed someone to keep an eye on you." I said, "Well, thanks. He didn't yell at me too much." Spencer asked, "Is he going to be ok?" I said, "Yeah, he just misses his family." Spencer said, "I'm going to get some sleep now." I said, "Ok, I'll see you when you get back."

Aaron was awake and asked, "Was that Reid?" I turned to face him, "Yeah, he said they found the boy alive. It seems the agent had a stalker. She followed him out there and took him. I know part of you regrets not going with them to help. You can rest easy now." Aaron said, "Most people tell me that everything is going to be ok. That we will catch Foyet and I'll get my family back safe. But you don't, why is that?" I said, "Probably for the same reason you never said that to me when I was hurting. I didn't want to give you false hope. You would probably see right through me if I tried. I thought the best thing for me to do is just be there for you." He kissed me and we made love again.


	9. Surprising news

Two weeks later, I overhear someone in the lunchroom talking about Hotch and Foyet. He said he heard that a U.S. Marshal was killed and Foyet had Hotch's family. I got up and ran out of there. I wanted to call Spencer. I almost ran into Chief Strauss. I asked her if it was true. She pulled me into an office and said, "Agent Hotchner has killed Foyet. He didn't get there in time to save Haley but Jack is ok." This news made me feel sick, even more than I have been feeling.

Haley's funeral was very emotional. I tried to hide it but I couldn't. Normally I was much better at controlling my emotions. Jack recognized me at the reception. He gave me a hug and told me who his cousins were. I sat with him and he talked to me for a little while until his Aunt Jessica came to get him something to eat. I introduced myself. She said, "Haley has mentioned that you watched Jack." Spencer came to me and said, "We are getting called on a case. You should stay and be there for Hotch. I'll catch a ride with Morgan." Aaron was standing alone on the balcony. I went out and gave him a hug. I asked him, "Do you need anything?" He said, "No, not right now. Thanks for being here. Jack was glad to see you." I said, "I'll be at my apartment through the weekend. If you need anything, just give me a call." I got the impression that he wanted to be left alone so I said goodbye and went home.

The next weekend I stopped by Aaron's apartment with a gift for Jack. Aaron answered the door and we gave each other a hug. Jessica was there making pancakes for supper. I had been feeling sick for the past few weeks and Aaron noticed. He asked, "Are you ok?" I said, "I should be asking you how you are doing." Aaron said, "You look a little pale." I said, "Graduation, they appointed me the class spokesperson so now I have to write a speech. I guess I'm feeling a little stressed." Aaron said, "Well, congratulations. Why didn't you tell me you were graduating this week?" He gave me a hug. I said, "You've had enough things on your mind this week. I actually came to see Jack. I have something for him. How's he doing?" Aaron said, "I don't think he really understands what's going on. He'll be right out. He's just putting some toys in his room. Jack, look who's here to see you." Jack smiled and I gave him a hug.

I said, "I have a present for you." It was a memory bear so he could put his mom's picture in. I said to him, "You know, when I was a kid, I lost my mommy too. Every night, I missed her. I wanted to talk to her and give her a hug. My friend's mom gave me this bear. She put my mom's picture in it and said that anytime I wanted to talk to her, talk to the bear and your mom can hear you. Anytime you want to hug your mom, hug the bear and your mom will feel you hugging her. It made me feel better when I was sad. I want to give it to you and maybe your dad can help you pick out a picture to put in it." I gave him another hug and he put the bear in his room.

Aaron said, "You were 12 when your mom died." I said, "So, I still missed her. Besides, it was Spencer's mom who gave me the bear. I wasn't going to tell her I was too old for stuffed animals." Aaron smiled and said, "Thanks, do you want to stay for dinner?" I said, "No. Thanks anyway. I've still got some work to do and a speech to write." Aaron asked, "Are you sure you're alright?" I said, "Yes, I'm fine." He said, "You better eat something. We don't want to see you pass out in the middle of your speech." I gave him a hug and said, "I'll try. Take care."

On graduation, everyone from the team decides they are going to come which makes me even more nervous about my speech. Spencer was jealous because I did better than he did. They surprised me with a small party at the apartment, which was nice but I couldn't hold down any food. Hopefully, it's just my nerves.

I didn't seem to be getting any better so I decide to take a home pregnancy test. It came out positive so I went to the doctor. Indeed, I was over a month pregnant. I was panicky. I couldn't tell Aaron. He has enough to deal with. I'm supposed to report to my field office in Washington D.C. in a week. I couldn't do it. I had to tell them I needed to resign. I can't be pregnant and in the FBI.


	10. Escaping

I traded my car in and got a small camper. I decided that I wanted to get away and see the rest of the country before the baby is born. I was packing up my things and taking them to the camper when Spencer came home. He said, "What are you doing? Did you buy a camper?" I said, "I need to get out, go away. After Haley was killed, I realized that I've spent my entire life working hard, trying to be the best. All for what, so I can be killed by some crazed killer. I want to see things and drive across the country." I headed back into the apartment to finish packing. Spencer said, "So you're just going to leave, take off, without an explanation?" I said, "I thought I just gave you an explanation." He asked, "Does Hotch know?" I said, "He's got enough to worry about right now with Jack. He's still grieving over losing Haley."

I look at Spencer. He appears upset. I go over to him and say, "I'll be ok. I got a cell phone for emergencies. Here's the number. I probably won't leave it on because I won't always have service. I'll write you and send pictures of all the cool stuff I see." I give him a hug. He asked, "Do you have to leave now?" I said, "I can get better driving time at night. You just want me to wait until tomorrow so you can call Hotch because you know he'll try to talk me out of it." Spencer said, "I want you to wait because you're going to be gone for a few months and I don't know when I'll see you again." I said, "Fine, I'll wait until tomorrow but please don't call Hotch, Derek or anyone else. I don't want them to try to convince me to stay." Spencer stayed in my room that night. I wanted to get out early. I said, "I'm taking the southern route since it is winter." I gave him a hug and kiss goodbye.

A week later, Aaron got a visit from the unit chief. She said, "Your prodigy did very well at the academy." Aaron said, "Yeah, I knew she would. She's very smart. She'll do well wherever she goes." Chief Strauss said, "That's what I thought too. That's why I was surprised to learn that she quit." Aaron was shocked, "What? Did anyone talk to her? Maybe something happened." Strauss said, "We can't get in touch with her. Her cell phone has been disconnected. I was hoping that you were still in contact with her." Aaron said, "I haven't talk to her but I know someone who might know what happened."

Aaron calls Spencer into his office. He asked, "What's wrong with Julianna? Is she ok?" Spencer said, "I guess she's fine. After what happened with Foyet, something hit her. She decided she wanted to take off and see the country. She bought a camper and just started driving." Chief Strauss said, "Well, if she decides to come back, tell her to come see me." Strauss left.

Spencer said, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. She begged me not to tell you. She was afraid that you would try to talk her out of it." Aaron said, "There's more to it than that, isn't there? There is something wrong with her." Spencer said, "When she was talking and packing her things, it was almost as if she were manic." Aaron asked, "Do you think she might be bipolar." Spencer said, "I don't know, maybe." Aaron asked, "Do you have any way of contacting her?" Spencer said, "She said she would write me but she's on the road with a prepaid cell phone that has limited service so she leaves it off. She has her laptop but probably won't use it much." Aaron said, "When you get a letter, let me know if you notice anything odd or a sudden change in her behavior."

Spencer said, "There's something else. I know how you guys felt about each other. That might have had something to do with her leaving. She said it was after Haley's funeral when she realized she needed to get away. She didn't want you to know she was leaving because she thought you were still grieving and had enough to deal with." Aaron said, "Spencer, I'm really sorry we put you in the middle of this without telling you." Spencer said, "Its fine. I'll let you know when I receive any letters."

A couple months later, the team has to go to New Mexico for a case involving young women being picked up at random places and dumped near the highway in New Mexico. Spencer was concerned because these women were around my age and my last letter was from Colorado. Spencer was looking out the window on the plane, thinking about where I was. Aaron looked concerned and said, "Where was she in her last letter?" Spencer said, "Colorado, taking lots of pictures of the Rocky Mountains. She's so close." Aaron said, "I'm sure she's ok. These look like hitchhikers who were picked up. She's more cautious than that." Deep down, Aaron wasn't so sure.

Aaron waited until he was alone and called Garcia. He said, "I need you to pull Julianna's most recent financial transactions." She asked, "Is everything alright?" He said, "Reid said she was in Colorado in her last letter. We're just concerned how close she might be to this case. She's on the road and in her late 20s, just like these victims." Garcia said, "Looks like she's in Grand Canyon National Park. She used her card at the campground and the store two days ago."

After they solved the case, Aaron pulled Spencer aside, "I asked Garcia to look at Julie's recent financials. Looks like she was staying at Grand Canyon National Park. You can take a few days off, if you want to go see her." Spencer said, "She might be upset that we are tracking her. I think she just wants to be left alone right now. She seems happy in her letters."

I went to Las Vegas to visit Spencer's mom. I was starting to show a little but I tried to hide it. She was happy to see me and asked, "Did you come to tell me I'm going to be a grandmother?" I said, "What? No, what would make you think that?" She said, "A mother knows." I said, "The baby is not Spencer's and he doesn't even know I'm pregnant so please don't tell him." She said, "Oh, that's ok. You two were more like brother and sister growing up, anyway. I would consider you a daughter to me." I told her about traveling around the country and showed her pictures. We even got someone to take our picture so we can send it to Spencer.

At about six months, I was in Montana and started to head back east. I'm sitting in a diner, writing a letter to Spencer. The waitress asked, "When are you due?" I said, "September." There was a man who came in right after me and sat two seats down on the counter. He said, "You're six months pregnant and traveling alone in a camper. What are you running away from?" I felt a little uneasy about talking to a man I didn't know but he seemed familiar. I said, "My life." He asked, "Where are you from?" I said, "Originally, Las Vegas. I went to school at Yale; worked in New York City; then moved to Virginia." He said, "I used to live in Virginia. Is that where the baby's father lives?" I said, "Yeah, why did you leave Virginia?" He said, "I left to find myself again." I said, "Me too. The Baby's father, he found his ex-wife murdered right before I found out I was pregnant. I knew he still loved her. I had to leave."

We introduced ourselves, first names only. Jason asked, "Is that lengthy letter, you're writing, to the baby's father?" I said, "No, Spencer is a friend. We've known each other since we were four. Since I left Virginia, I've been writing him, letting him know what I was doing. If I didn't write, he would worry and send the FBI looking for me." Jason laughed and said, "You know, Spencer is not a very common name. I used to work with a Spencer in Virginia. He was also from Las Vegas. Spencer Reid." I look shocked, then relieved and said, "You must be Gideon. He's talked about you, a lot. He really looked up to you."

We went to a booth so we can talk more privately. He wanted to know how Spencer was doing. I told him about what happened in New York and why I moved to Virginia. I told him that Aaron convinced me to join the academy but then I found out I was pregnant after graduation. I said, "Aaron is the father, neither him nor Spencer even knows that I am pregnant. I just didn't know how to tell Aaron after Haley was murdered." He said, "Between Aaron and Spencer, and I'm sure you're friends with the rest of the team, you've got a pretty good support system. There's no reason why you should be going through this alone." We talked some more and he convinced me to go back to Virginia before the baby was born. So I started heading back.

Less than a month later, I was in West Virginia and I started having pains so I went to a hospital. They told me that it was labor pains but it was too early so I had to stay in the hospital. The nurse asked if there was anyone she could call. I said, "No, I'm alone, traveling in a camper." She asked, "What about the father?" I lied, "I don't know who he is."

I was in the hospital for a week when my water broke and the baby had to come out. She was so premature, the doctors didn't have high hopes that she would live very long. I spent everyday in the NICU with her. She only survived a week. I named her Arianna and took her ashes back to Virginia. I sent Spencer another letter, pretending I was somewhere else, so he wouldn't suspect anything was wrong.

I couldn't handle the emotional trauma of losing Arianna. I became very depressed. I stopped eating and was crying all the time. I isolated myself in the camper. When I got to Virginia, I found a nice non-denominational church which I went to for a couple weeks. I told the pastor that I didn't have any family and that I was all alone. The church had a cemetery so I decided to bury Arianna's ashes and give her a tombstone. The pastor appeared concerned. He knew I was severely depressed. He tried to get me to talk about it but I couldn't. The pastor gave me a small funeral with some people from the church. After the funeral, I collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

I was dehydrated and food deprived so I had to put me on an IV. I was later moved to the Psychiatric hospital for severe depression and was there for two weeks. The pastor and his wife would come to visit, as did others from the church. The pastor told the doctors that I could stay with him and his family. They had three small children so I helped with the kids and around the house. I also helped at the church's daycare. I told them that they didn't need to pay me but the parents usually gave me something anyway. After a month, I started to feel better again.

It's been over two months since Spencer received a letter from me. He began to worry because he used to get a letter at least once a month. The last letter I sent him was after the baby died. He knew something was different when he read that letter but didn't become concerned until he didn't hear from me anymore. He went into Aaron's office with the letters, one morning. He said, "I haven't received a letter from Julie in over two months. The last one I received, she seemed different, like it wasn't her writing. Aaron asked, "Can I read the letters?" Spencer handed them to him. Aaron said, "Let me see what I can find and I'll get back to you." He read the letters and was upset because he thought I might be in the depression cycle of bipolar disorder.

Aaron went to Garcia's office and closed the door. He said, "Garcia, I need you to look something up for me. I need you to search for any records for Julianna, starting three months ago." Garcia asked, "Julie? Why? What happened?" Aaron said, "Reid hasn't heard from her in over two months and he's getting worried." Garcia said, "I found a hospital record from West Virginia. She was pregnant. Looks like the baby was premature and died a week later, poor girl. She kept traveling after that then wrote a pretty big check out to a church here in Virginia." Aaron said, "That might have been to bury the baby. That was over a month ago, anything else?" Garcia said, "She was admitted to a Psychiatric hospital for two weeks than nothing. Her trail goes cold." Aaron asked, "Can you print that out for me and maybe check morgue records for any Jane Does matching her description. Please, keep this between us for now. At least until I can find out any more information. If anyone asks, I'm taking off the rest of the day."

Aaron was gathering his things in his office when Derek walked in and asked, "What's going on?" Aaron said, "I need to step out of the office for a few hours." Derek noticed the file in his hand and asked, "Hotch, what's wrong?" He handed the file to Derek. As he was looking through it, Aaron said, "Reid hasn't heard from her in over two months. I have Garcia searching hospital and morgue records for anyone matching her description. I am going to the psychiatric hospital to see what I can find out there." Derek asked, "Does Reid know about this?" Aaron said, "I haven't told him yet. I wanted to see what I can find out first." Derek said, "I'm coming with you." Aaron said, "That's not necessary." Derek said, "Come on, Hotch, we all care about her. Let me help. Two minds are better than one." Aaron said, "Ok."

At the hospital, Derek and Aaron asked, "What was she like when she first got here?" The doctor said, "She was so depressed, she was almost catatonic. She stayed in bed the first few days. We had to hook her up to an IV because she wouldn't eat or drink anything. Her pastor and his wife were in here everyday, trying to talk to her and pray for her." Aaron asked, "What changed?" The doctor said, "One day, she was listening in on group therapy. Another woman, who was there for depression, was talking about abandoning her baby because she couldn't live with her husband anymore. I think the husband beat her. Julianna said, "You can't just abandon your baby. There are other ways to deal with your husband. At least you're still alive. At least your baby is still alive. You're in here, crying about not knowing what to do and he's out there, with your son. At least he's still alive." That was the first time she showed some progress. She went to her room and starting crying, saying how guilty she felt over losing her baby. She began talking more, especially to her pastor and his wife. She still cried a lot and refused medication but she was eating and participating in groups."

Aaron asked, "Was she supposed to continue treatment after she was discharged?" The doctor said, "It was recommended but she said she didn't have insurance to pay for it. The church seemed to be her best support system. I believe the pastor's wife offered to let her stay with them for a while." Aaron seemed annoyed, "You don't follow up! You just let her leave without even knowing whether she would be alright!" Derek stopped him, "Hotch!" and asked the doctor, "Do you know where this church is?" The doctor said to Aaron, "She wasn't suicidal. She was eating, talking. She was functional. We had no reason to keep her here." Aaron asked, "Were there any indications that she might be bipolar? The doctor said, "No, without a history, we couldn't diagnose that. She was just severely depressed."

In the car, Derek asked, "Hotch, what was that all about? Do you think she's bipolar?" Aaron said, "Reid thought she was manic when she left. She took off with no explanation and got pregnant. That behavior is not like her. She needs help. Let's hope we find some answers at the church."

Derek and Aaron approached the church secretary, showed her their credentials, my picture and asked, "Have you ever seen this woman?" She said, "Yes, she's been working in our daycare. Why? Is she in some kind of trouble?" Aaron said, "No, she's just been missing. Do you know where she is now?" She took them to the daycare.

I was preparing the kids for their afternoon nap when I spotted Aaron and Derek in the doorway. I finished with the kids and told the other worker that I needed to step out. I approached Aaron and Derek and asked, "What are you doing here? Is it Spencer? Did something happen?" Aaron said, "No, He's ok. He's just really worried about you. He came to me when he didn't hear from you in over two months." I looked down said, "Time can get away from us." I could hear one of the babies crying in the nursery. The girl couldn't get the baby to take her bottle so I went in to take over. I played a music box that lit up which distracted her long enough to take the bottle.

Aaron and Derek came in. Aaron said, "You're a natural." Derek said, "Julianna, you were at the top of your class and had a bright future with the FBI. Why did you run away?" I said, "You must have had Penelope pull my records to have found me here. I'm sure you figured out why I left." Aaron said, "Reid described your behavior when you left as manic, very hyperactive." I said, "I was anxious and needed to get away." Derek asked, "Did you ever talk to anyone about being bipolar?" I said, "I'm not bipolar. Where did you get that idea? Aaron, do you think I'm bipolar?" Aaron looked down to the floor and said, "Julie, out of nowhere, you buy a camper, run away and get pregnant. This type of compulsive behavior is not like you. We want to help." I said, "Aaron, I ran away because I was pregnant. She was yours." Derek looked confused. Aaron said, "Morgan, can you give us a minute?" Derek said, "Sure, Hotch, I'll be at the car."

I laid the baby in her crib. Aaron stood behind me, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Why didn't you tell me? You know, I would have been there for you. I would've helped you." I said, "I didn't know how to tell you. You had just lost Haley. You were probably ignoring your own grieving process to be there for Jack. I couldn't ask you to take this on too." The other worker came in to take over. Aaron and I stepped outside.

Aaron said, "I wish you would have told me, instead of making everyone worry about you. Didn't you think that you running away would've been just as hard on us, than if you would've told me you were pregnant? We were worried and confused. Didn't you think how much running away would hurt me, and those who care about you? I know you have a hard time trusting people but I thought you trusted me. You should have trusted me enough to know I could've handled it."

I started to get upset. "I'm sorry! Ok! I 'm sorry that I didn't tell you I was pregnant. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you and Jack when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry for losing our baby and I'm sorry that you never got to hold her. I can't change what happened. I'm so sorry." I ran outside, passed Derek and into the cemetery.

The pastor's wife saw Aaron and me talking. After I left, she walked up to Aaron and said, "You must be Aaron. She's talked about you. She has a lot of guilt over leaving you and losing that baby that she can't let go.

Aaron went outside and saw me sitting on the ground in the cemetery. He said to Derek, "You don't need to stay. Why don't you head back to the office? I'm going to stay." Derek asked, "Does Reid know about you two?" Aaron said, "He knew. He's worried about her. Why don't you tell him where he can find her?"

At the office, Derek finds Spencer. Spencer asked, "Have you seen Hotch?" Derek hands him the file and said, "Hotch said you were worried so we went looking for her. She's ok." Spencer looks through the file, "This is why she ran away. Did Hotch know she was pregnant?" Derek said, "I don't think anyone knew. Hotch is still with her now. They're at the church." Spencer left to come to the church.

Aaron came over to the grave. I said, "I was in this diner, talking with this guy who made me realize that I should come back. I was coming back here to tell you. But then I went into early labor and she was born too premature to survive. I though, what was the point in telling you now? So you could see your dead daughter. I shouldn't have been traveling. Maybe if I would've stayed in one place then this wouldn't have had happened." Aaron said, "Julie, you don't know that. This could've happened to anyone. You can't continue to hold on to this guilt. You have to forgive yourself." I looked at him, "Do you forgive me; for shutting you out; for not telling you about the baby; for robbing you out of the opportunity to hold your daughter before she died?" Aaron pulled me to my feet and held me. He said, "I forgive you. I know you were just scared and overwhelmed. I love you and nothing you do will ever change that. I want you to know that you can always trust me, with anything. I don't want you to ever have to go through something like that alone again."

He started kissing me and asked, "Will you come back? I can understand if you don't want to come back to the FBI. You still have people here who care about you. Spencer has missed you. I'm sure Jack has missed you. I've missed you." I said, "I've missed you too." As he was kissing me, he whispered, "Will you marry me?" I said, "Aaron, we've had some intense situations that brought us together. I don't think either of us is in a place to make a decision like that. We haven't been in a relationship or even talked about it." Aaron said, "I know it's sudden. You don't have to make that decision now. Just think about it. I'm ready to talk about our relationship."


End file.
